If she had ever wished for death, it was now.
We are allowed to make mistakes, instead this is precisely what makes us human, however, we are not allowed to make the mistake that destroys us; that one fatal mistake.
She had committed her fatal error. It was not that she had robbed a bank neither had she planned an assassination of someone or murdered a person. But no, she had, indeed, killed a person. However, her weapon of choice was not a gun, poison or axe etc, her weapon was only her words; venomous, spear- shaped words which had pierced the heart of her victim, a fate equally worse as death, an irreparable damage.
The irony was that it was not the victim who suffered the most, it was the oppressor because she had hurt the only person who mattered the most on the earth to her.
The knowledge that it was the first time in her life that she had lost control worked as fuel being added to the fire. The heartache that she had caused to the other was unbearable and even more unbearable was the thought that it was she, of all the people, who was responsible for it.
She will be forgiven but she was not oblivious to the fate that the wounds do heal ultimately but the scars are always there for eternity and that the wounds inflicted by tongue do more damage than those by the sword. She continuously suffered from the pain that she had caused. She was alone now. How she wished for the earth to open up and conceal her in its folds and to numb the ceaseless pain. That pain, that terrible, heartrending pain was now her only companion as she journeyed deeper and deeper into the dark, thick and thorny jungle of remorse.
Her fatal mistake had destroyed her, had tainted her relationship with her most beloved person in the big bad world, most importantly, her fatal mistake had tarnished her image in her own eyes, brought her down on her knees with her head hung low and face shielded, by the curtain of her hair, from the world. Oh she could face the rest of the world, she was in fact, with the humility of a wrongdoer. In the days to come, people will forgive and forget, but the million-dollar question was how would she Forget and Forgive herself??
We are allowed to make mistakes, instead this is precisely what makes us human, however, we are not allowed to make the mistake that destroys us; that one fatal mistake.
She had committed her fatal error. It was not that she had robbed a bank neither had she planned an assassination of someone or murdered a person. But no, she had, indeed, killed a person. However, her weapon of choice was not a gun, poison or axe etc, her weapon was only her words; venomous, spear- shaped words which had pierced the heart of her victim, a fate equally worse as death, an irreparable damage.
The irony was that it was not the victim who suffered the most, it was the oppressor because she had hurt the only person who mattered the most on the earth to her.
The knowledge that it was the first time in her life that she had lost control worked as fuel being added to the fire. The heartache that she had caused to the other was unbearable and even more unbearable was the thought that it was she, of all the people, who was responsible for it.
She will be forgiven but she was not oblivious to the fate that the wounds do heal ultimately but the scars are always there for eternity and that the wounds inflicted by tongue do more damage than those by the sword. She continuously suffered from the pain that she had caused. She was alone now. How she wished for the earth to open up and conceal her in its folds and to numb the ceaseless pain. That pain, that terrible, heartrending pain was now her only companion as she journeyed deeper and deeper into the dark, thick and thorny jungle of remorse.
Her fatal mistake had destroyed her, had tainted her relationship with her most beloved person in the big bad world, most importantly, her fatal mistake had tarnished her image in her own eyes, brought her down on her knees with her head hung low and face shielded, by the curtain of her hair, from the world. Oh she could face the rest of the world, she was in fact, with the humility of a wrongdoer. In the days to come, people will forgive and forget, but the million-dollar question was how would she Forget and Forgive herself??
3 comments:
"How she wished for the earth to open up and conceal her in its folds and to numb the ceaseless pain."
you have depicted for me what i wanted to some time back...such a cruel feeling!
indeed a question...its most difficult to forgive oneself!
it doesn't come across as a cruel feeling at that tym wasa..
sure thing, u cannot forgive ur self, u just learn to live with it for every time u think about anything u did wrong.. a wave of regret traveling, at da speed of sound, hits u around da middle..
it is cruel..it starts to eat you up...consumes you..i dono i have felt that!
rest i agree...it never leaves or we never leave it...
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